I've known for awhile that my hair would fall out from the chemotherapy. It's pretty much a given with the regimen that I am on. And honestly, it was one of the biggest fears I had. I am not sure why I have such an emotional attachment to my hair, except that it was pretty awesome hair. And honestly, I think that it was my biggest distinguishing feature. Ask 100 people to say something about my physical features in one phrase and I'd bet the majority would be able my hair. It was beautiful. Long, naturally curly, and blonde (naturally when I was a kid and with a little help as I've gotten older). It's been called "golden." I've had random strangers ask to touch my hair. So the prospect of losing it was pretty frightening. Plus, it is a very outward sign of cancer. In most ways I don't look sick, but a girl with no hair--that alerts the general public to problems under the hood.
Once I found out that I was going to lose my hair I want to my favorite hair dresser and got a transition cute. He cut it short, especially in the back. And it looked really cute! So, I enjoyed the cute do for a few weeks.
Then I started to get little clumps of hair out when I washed it. My hair was thinning. I knew that it was only a matter of time before the clumps got bigger and honestly I couldn't deal with that. So, I went to my friend's house and she shaved me! She had a little fun with some punk-inspired styles during the shaving :)
I think that I may have jumped the gun a bit and with how thick my hair was I may have been able to keep some hair for a long time. But I think that this was a bit more about control and having some control over what is happening to me. I choose when to cut my hair, the cancer didn't choose it for me.
Surprisingly I don't hate my bald head. In fact, I walked around in public today quite a bit without any type of covering. I did wear a wig for a little bit, but I actually feel more self-conscious in that. This is going to be a transition and I am sure that my ideas about it will change. I have a couple of wigs (including an awesome pink one). So for now, no one should know
what to expect when they see me!
2 comments:
Hey Lisa. Such grace! You have my admiration. I send positive vibes your way.
I'm arriving a little late, but I just wanted to say I am very attached to my hair as well. And I feel like (though obviously I don't know) if I knew I was going to go bald anyway I'd go "EFF YOU CANCER" and shave my head too. Good for you! :D
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